i saw her yesterday. i thought it was going to be some kind of gigantic movie moment. she would look 100 times prettier than i remember. she would look like a vision and run into my arms. she would turn just at the right moment to look at me. the truth wasnt much like that at all. we were at the festival of colors with 20000 other people. she was upset, hot, frustrated, and had a 3 and 4 year old in tow. she couldnt find me and she was just getting mad. it didnt help that she had to bring her nieces. that wasnt a part of the plan. this was supposed to be a reunion.

i walked up to her and said hi and then showed her to the rest of our friends. she did look amazing, but i was mostly just worried about her. for the next 7 hours we would be mostly silent. i tried to speak to her, but there wasnt much conversation. i asked about her family and she would answer briefly. i would tell her about work and she would respond politely. i know she wasnt at her best, that the situation was difficult for her, but i wanted to speak to her.

we made dinner. she helped. i love being in the kitchen, and i love being in the kitchen with her. at times it was as if no time had passed. at times it was as if she would rather be any where else. it was hard. it was awkward. i wonder if she felt as out of place as i did. i tried to make her comfortable, but i don' t think i did all that well.

a little redemption finally came at the end of the night. i walked her to her car and she hugged me. she said it was good to see me. its good to see you too, i said. i miss you i said and i love you. i miss and love you too she responded... that had to be good. she left... we said good night as normal. 3 more days and she is home...